Sometimes you need to remember you love being a mother

Sometimes we need to remember, I need to remember, I love being a mother  With the stress of last semester I decided to not work this summer. I didn't sign up for anything at school. I did not fill out paperwork for prospective short-term jobs. I simply said No, No, No to it all. And thus dubbed this summer, "The summer of motherhood".

I have not struggled with mommy guilt until last semester. Even when I was working full-time in Texas, I felt like I was a good mom and had quality time with my kids, despite my working hours. I did not feel bad about dropping them off at school or that I wasn't taking them to the library on Tuesday mornings or signing up for a "get your baby to read Moby Dick by age 9 months" classes that seemed to be what others were doing. I think working made me a better mom, a better me. But then last semester happened. And studying happened all the time. You've heard about it in my last two posts so I won't talk about it again. But mommy guilt hit full steam ahead. Simply trying to "make it" through the semester usually resulted in lots of tears and frustrations and guilt and shame. Visions of what the summer of mommyhood would look like began to dance in my head. Then summer hit. My parents came (fantastic visit!!!) and started off the summer wonderfully.

Then they left. And we cried. A lot.

Then JT got sick Tuesday through Thursday, Bella got sick Thursday through Monday, nights were spent getting up with one or both of them, sore throats were complained about, too many fights were broken up, vomit happened at the store where I ran to the bathroom with a toddler for my life hoping we'd make it (we did and I felt like a mommy rockstar), and two kids complained about every.little.thing. Or so it felt that way.  Last week left me, gulp, not liking motherhood. "Try to enjoy every moment...it goes by too quickly" has been said to me. But I was throwing that out the window because, honestly, last week was not fun!

This week both kids are better. Mike and I are now sick but that can be handled. I decided to try to get out of the bad start of the summer. With kiddos in tow, we went to storytime at the library. And watching my kids dance and do the motions and laugh at the reader was a joy. Watching myself dance and do the motions and laugh at the reader was an unexpected joy too. We checked out some new books and went to Chick-fil-a for lunch. As I was getting their meals ready on the table, both kids sat across from me. And I about lost it. They are precious gifts and beautiful reminders of grace and hope and truth (and fighting and complaining...but not all the time). I was reminded of the incredible honor it is to be a mom. To have this time in life where I am able to go out with them and take them to storytime. We walked out of there, my hand in JT's hand and Bella's hand in his, to the car to go home. And, thankfully, I was reminded that I love being a mother.

I think those moments of feeling like you're going over the edge on a simple request for apple juice will happen again. Probably in 50 minutes when the kids get up from their nap. And, I could possibly feel overwhelmed and ungrateful in 60 minutes. For now, I am so grateful for the reminder of those voices that ask for apple juice. And, that they call me mom.

The end. Now enjoy the pics!

This was Bella listening to story time. She's a beauty!

This makes our hearts happy. I can now discipline with, "If you do not obey we are not going to the library today". Works nearly every time!

Our wonderful lunch at Chick-Fil-A. JT loudly let everyone know where every single cow was in the place.

See the little jumping blonde? That's sweet Bella at an outdoor kid's concert.