Saturday, November 3, 2012

Bella turned 4

Maybe it was the mountains. And the crisp air. And the great friends. And the beautiful fall leaves. Something made me simply grateful for how life changed four years ago. Something made me stop and think about that day again. Something made me stop and think about the day before. My fears of becoming a mother. My fears if I would enjoy it. My fears if I could do it. My fears of wondering if I would actually like being a mom.  The day before, I didn't have an overwhelming sense of love and excitement of what was about to happen.  It was mainly filled with prayers of "please let this go ok" and "don't let me mess this up" and "I hope this little gal doesn't need lots of counseling".

Then the next day came.

The fear remained.

But, around 9:10am something changed.

Bella Grace entered the world.

I was not instantly filled with awe and love and wonder and "mommy" feelings.  I was filled with "oh my gosh, here we go!".  I think Mike and I both knew life changed that day for the best.  But my fears still remained.  Don't get me wrong.  I loved that little girl desperately.  I knew that.  I just didn't trust myself that I could actually do the mom thing.  It seemed like the other moms around me talked about how they were overcome with love and thanksgiving the moment they saw their children.  I, however, did not have that same experience.

Something happened throughout the day and especially in the wee early hour feedings where that little girl took my heart.   The fears began to dissipate as her little hands touched mine, as her loud cry filled the room, and as her little eyes began to pierce through me.  Eventually, that overwhelming love came.  I became a mother not through emotions.  But through a little 7 pound, skinny baby.  That day I became a mother.  And am so stinkin' thankful for it.  She has changed me in ways I didn't think possible.  And, I am so thankful.

We traveled to the mountains with some great friends for a little R&R.  And, in the midst of the cool weather and changing leaves I was reminded of this day.  And, am still thankful.

Enjoy the pics!

Here's the two little men playing with eachother.
And the three kiddos playing.  It was loud and fun!
Here is her face when we surprised her with a birthday party!

We also celebrated the morning of her birthday.
And I took cupcakes to her school.  I called my mom on the way to this party.  We were both giddy with excitement. So much fun!
Happy 4th birthday, sweet gal.  Love you!