Something Happened

Dear sweet Bella,
You have made me a mother.  You have me love being a mother. You have made me believe I can be a mother.

You see, sweet gal, I didn't have dreams of being a mother.  I actually thought I would go to medical school, get a PhD, have a career and then get married at 30.  Then, I met a little something called 'yo daddy' at college and life changed. And, I am SO glad it did.  I didn't go to medical school. I got married at 22 (just FYI - you can't date until you're 30...now, that we've gotten that out of the way I can continue writing...).  And, I enrolled in the PhD program at 30.  So, things didn't go quite as I have planned.  Again, I am SO glad they didn't.

Another little something that happened is you came along.  After the initial jumping-up-and-down-in-sheer-excitement occurred when we found out you were coming in 9 short months, I called Neena numerous times with conversations that started like this:

"I don't know what it takes to be a mother."

"I didn't even like babysitting growing up. Maybe i'm not going to be good at this motherhood-thing?"

"I haven't even changed a diaper yet."

"I don't feel like I have those maternal-instincts-like-playing-with-dolls-or-barbies."

Thankfully, your Neena was gracious and encouraging and loving to me.  She said I would be ok.

And, sweet thing, a little something has happened. You came. And I became a mother.

You have taught me to love.

You have taught me what it means to be "maternal". What it means to have an immense amount of love for something so small. What it means to look at you and be completely overwhelmed with thoughts of "how did I get so stinkin' blessed".

Now, I call Neena and say something like this:
"I'm so thrilled that I love being a mother."

"I love being a mother."

Or I just gush about everything you're doing - including the little things like what you laugh at, how you look when you turn your hear in the sunlight, and how proud I was that you went potty.

So, you see. Something happened about 3 years ago.  It didn't happened when I found out I was pregnant with you.  It didn't necessarily happen when you came into the world.  But it did happen the more I get to know you.  It happened the more your sweet and tenacious personality comes out. It happened with I first felt you wrap you arm around my arm. It happened when you pull my face to yours to whisper "I love you".  It happened when you laugh hysterically at something random I did (that probably wasn't even funny - you're good for my self-esteem!)

Sweet girl, something happened to make me a mother and make me love being a mother.

You happened.

And, I am forever thankful.

Love,
Your mommy