Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep

The other night I helped host a friend's baby shower. She is a dear friend that I know from our young adults class at church and is just as cute as could be right now! She's due in 5 days so I know she is counting down.

I was really nervous about going and was hoping I wouldn't cry through the whole thing. But, once I got there I really was given grace for the moment. We had a great time and I truly could rejoice with her as she rejoiced over her soon-to-be baby boy. Once the night started wrapping up I started feeling a little more heavy-hearted. She was taking pictures with another prego mom and someone in the group said "anyone else have a tummy?!". All of us laughed and joked and then it hit me. That should be me. It should be me getting in that picture. But I can't right now. I found myself feeling like the world was standing still again. Like everyone around me was laughing and smiling. And I was just standing there hurting and feeling a little disoriented. (To the ladies who were there and are reading this, please don't feel like i'm upset at anything. I really did have a great time!) So I helped cleaned up, smiled a little more and got in my car. And bawled the whole way home. And more when I got home to Mike.

I was thankful that for those few hours I was able to honestly rejoice with her and be excited about her baby. I was so thankful for that grace for that moment. I was also thankful that God knew the minute I could be alone He could let that guard down and just let me cry and be angry and be sad. God understood the "It should be me" and "it's not fair" and....So it was a night of dichotomies. I certainly know how it was to rejoice with those that rejoice. And I was very aware He was with me to "weep with those who weep". And I am thankful.