The flower

"It's ok honey. All you have to do is try."

These are the words to my beautiful four year old on a cold, rainy day.  We were coloring on some big shipment boxes left over from Christmas presents we had received. So far, we had colored clouds and houses and more clouds and grass.  Then, she wanted to draw a flower.

I had already drawn a flower a little earlier in our coloring adventure. You know, the kind with six loops around a circle.  Then, you draw a stem and a couple of leaves.  It's not hard. And, it shouldn't be a big deal.

But, to my little girl it was a big deal.  I saw her trying to do the final two loops and she just couldn't do it. So, she tried again, very intently. One big circle. Four loops around it and then - no luck again.

That's when the disappointment struck.  "Mommy, I can't do it".  I tried my hardest to encourage her. "It's ok honey. All you have to do is try."

As she ran off to her room crying, I was trying to think of what my reaction was going to be.  Should I pretend like nothing happened and try to get her to laugh? Should I wait for her to stop crying and come out herself? Should I get upset because her expectations were too high? 

I followed her into her room. And, sat on her bed with her.  And, had no idea of what to say. Nothing I said would work.  So, for a little bit we simply sat there together and I let her cry.  Then, when she finally stopped I tried to tell her again - "It doesn't matter that you didn't get it perfect the first time.  All you have to do is try.  And regardless if you succeed or not, you tried."

 You see, she is born to two perfectionists who struggled with what she is struggling with when we were younger.  So, I can't blame her reaction.  But what I want her desperately to know is that nothing at all is expected of her in regards to performance or achievement or success.  We are going to be so stinkin' proud of her regardless of what she does or doesn't do.

Bella's daddy came into to talk to her after I had and gently took her back into the living room.  While I gave Jonathan a bath, I heard little conversations happening over green and red and yellow colors and an old UPS box.  I heard her daddy showing her how to make the loops and the flowers.  I heard him encouraging her with "It's ok" and "You're doing great" and "There you go!".  After about 15 minutes, I heard her running to the bathroom.

And in ran a very proud little girl.  "Mommy I did it.  Come look!".  Mike and I traded places and I ran in there to see it.  She had made a beautiful picture of a lopsided flower. And was beaming about it!

And, I was too.  I didn't care at all what it looked like.  What I did care about what that she let us walk with her through it - regardless of the outcome.

So, I cut that flower out of the old UPS box.  I want her to remember that we will walk with her through times where you feel like you can't do it - the times she fails and the times she achieves. Parenting is hard sometimes when you yourself feel like a failure.  When you lose your temper or don't want to play another round of candyland.  Or you're distracted by an upcoming school assignment.  Or your Pinterest casserole looks more like a sloppy mess of noodles and goo.  Or simply don't feel like you're doing a good job. Don't we all at times?

I hung that flower on the refrigerator.  In light of a very busy school semester and work schedule for us, it's also a good reminder to keep trying, to remember others walk with you, to measure success in laughters and hugs and achievements in time well spent.  And, to remember a heavenly father that always is patient with us.  And, even if our results are lopsided flowers on an old UPS box, they are treasures.