Musings of a PhD mommy: Part 2-What I come home to

I am the type that would study all.the.time if given the opportunity. I want to achieve. I want the A+.  I was valedictorian, got really great scholarships, won awards, all the while working really hard.  I like to work hard.  I like to have a goal and work at it with efficiency.

Fast forward to 2012 and that "type" got interrupted by two little children running around with my DNA, which may include the disposition towards being an overachiever.  With that tendency running through their genetic makeup, it makes me stop and think about what they see me doing right now. 

They definitely see me working on homework alot, they hear me talk about my assignments with their daddy, they know that sometimes I have to go away for an entire Saturday to write a paper.  They know i'm in school. They know that sometimes mommy can't play (although this is rare but it does happen).  Sometimes, I can't give my all because I am worried about an assignment or how everything is going to work.  My natural inclination is to simply jump into the books again and write my paper.  But, when I come home i'm met with my two DNA-laden children.  And i'm forced to stop.

Regardless if I want to or not, I'm forced to stop.

I'm forced to stop and simply play, which is not what I want to do all the time.

I'm forced to stop and "waste" time by being non-productive for a couple of hours to play or tickle.  And, honestly, with my "type" this sometimes does not come easy for me.  I don't want to "waste" time.

Then, in the midst of drawing flowers with chalk on a beautiful Thursday afternoon with two carefree children, my "type" turns begins to soften and I find myself simply breathing.  I find myself enjoying doing something that will not result in any recognition or grade or effort. It's simply play time. 

And, that "waste" of time?  Maybe our definition of "waste" needs to change.  The waste of time should be changed to an investing of time. Investing in love and time and life for my DNA-laden-overachiever-genetic-makeup children.

Perhaps, I teach them the true definition of what matters. 

It's a balance too, y'all. 

I want my children to know hard work, to see dreams of education being made possible through their parents, to see their mom doing what's she's doing in school and her career, to dream themselves. 

I want them to see their parents living out their callings and being faithful to what they have been given in their careers and education.

I want them to see their parents  work diligently for the oppressed, the voiceless, our neighbors in the globe.

So, although this does entail missed Saturdays and my brain being consumed by assignments at times, it's the path that we are on.

Again, it's a balancing act.

It's a collision of two worlds.

That collide to refine us to who God has called us to be.

That comes from a delicate balance of my "type" and flower chalk drawings.

This is what I come home to.