"Surely, I have a beautiful inheritance"

"Yes, you can have it all" was the title of a talk given by a female speaker at UNC last year. Apparently it was very well attended. But, alas, I did not get to go. Why, you ask? Because I had to pick up my daughter from school and I had a 9 month old. So, uhm, excuse me speaker-lady...no you cannot have it all. I wanted to walk in that meeting, two kids in tow, hair messed up (probably not even a shower that day), with crusted oatmeal on my shirt and ask her if that's what she meant by having it all? And tell everyone else in the room she was lying. And then ask her to change my son's dirty diaper while I attend to my daughter asking for Elmo. But, I didn't. And, I've gotten over my bitterness at the title. I actually find it comical now but ever since then I've been on a hunt for the question, "Can you really have it all?" I read Sheryl Sandberg's book and then read Debora Spar's book - both were excellent and had many great points to glean from. But, something was still missing, particularly as a Christian. So, as a woman, wife, mother, employee, student and Christian I have a few things to say about this.

I didn't choose to go back to school or to work in the midst of motherhood because we needed the money. We would be just fine with Mike's salary. I didn't choose to go back to school or work in the midst of motherhood because I didn't want to stay at home, although there was a little of that at the beginning of motherhood (because what new mother isn't sleep deprived and moody and hasty in decision making?).

I chose to work and go back to school, knowing fully well my future includes working and not staying at home with my kids, because I felt like it was a calling.

And, I tried to get out of it a few times too. Mike and I prayed and prayed and prayed and sought counsel and prayed and sought more counsel about this before moving to North Carolina. Some very trusted friends of ours prayed with us, as did our parents. We waited on the Lord and felt Him affirm what we were supposed to do without a shadow of a doubt. Our house sold in 3 days - at full price - with no haggling or bargaining. I got into the top school for my degree with a not-incredible GRE score...I could go on and on where we felt the Lord was saying "go" and reaffirming my calling and our calling as a family. (Our calling as a family encompasses both mine and Mike's calling and some strange way it all works out - but that's another blog post). Anywho, back to the point - we moved knowing fully well that was what God wanted.

But, wait? We had a 2 year old and 3 month old. So school meant I'm out of the house when they were growing up. Wouldn't I miss some milestones? Wouldn't this cause them to go to counseling when they were 28? (See all that mommy-guilt come in?) He still said go.

So, what is a woman, a mother to do when God calls her to something outside of the home? Isn't all women's callings within their house? I would say yes. But, sometimes, like in my case, it didn't stop there. The calling was to be a mother and a wife - to love my kids and my husband like Jesus would - to embody Psalm 145:8-9 and pray my kids get that in their heart as their own - but it was also a calling to academics and international health. Wait, what? That's outside the home, Lord?

This is when Psalm 16:5-6 ran straight into me, knocked me over, and kept going. Then came back around and around and around like a boomerang, gently reminded me the beauty of the scripture.

"The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.

The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance."

So, perhaps a woman's calling is not merely based on where she physically is - inside or outside the home. Working inside or outside the home. Because that's what we do, right? We ask "Do you work outside of the home? Do you stay at home?..." Perhaps a calling is different than that though. Maybe we're asking the wrong question. Perhaps, we should say "Are you living within your own boundary lines?"

Perhaps, my calling is to agree with the Lord about my own boundary lines. And my boundary lines exist within school and work and life and motherhood and marriage. Nowhere else.

I was gently but firmly reminded that my boundary lines are in beautiful places - He holds MY lot secure - He is MY chosen portion. My boundary lines of trying to juggle school, work, and home are secure by HIM. I run into problems when I try to push those lines out or pull them in. I run into problems when I want to change my lot or wiggle out of them a little. I run into problems when I get mad that my boundary lines do not include staying at home full time or I start coveting another woman's boundary lines.

"Emily, these are YOUR boundary lines, secured by ME".

I've always read the last part of the verse that I have a beautiful inheritance, that it is a personal inheritance. I definitely believe that is true and believe fully well that God has a beautiful inheritance for us as we pray to bring the Kingdom of God to earth. But this week at 5:30am when I was running in 28 degree weather and coming on mile 4 (because that's usually the hardest and when I want to quit), I felt the Lord say, "say that passage again".

So I did.

The lines are in beautiful places...indeed I have a beautiful inhereitence.

Wait a minute. Since I say that to the Lord I can say it as I, myself, Emily, have a beautiful inheritance to give to my children. I read it completely different and it changed everything for me.

-That means that in the midst of them having to go to daycare - I have a beautiful inheritance to give them.
-That means that in the midst of late night studying and mommy guilt - I have a beautiful inheritance to give them.
-That means that even though they are not with me 24/7 - I have a beautiful inheritance to give them.

I have what they need, I have what I need, I have what the family needs - simply because the boundary lines have been drawn in beautiful places. YES, I have an inheritance.

It was like He was reminded me that I am enough because of Him. I am enough right now in the midst of my calling because of Him. Remember, He holds my lot secure!

I am enough as a mother.
He is enough to provide.

So, maybe us mommas need to encourage one another in our boundary lines and quit asking the question about our physical location throughout the day. I do not think this post is about staying at home versus not staying at home. I think it's a post about being secure in the Securer of boundary lines, giving thanks within those boundary lines, and realizing He has given us all we need for our children.

Yes, indeed, we have a beautiful inheritance.